Obituary of Rainey Burns

“Rainey Burns joined our family in a fit of Meghan’s tantrum-induced tears when she found that Rainey had been abandoned because she got pregnant and then no one wanted to adopt her because of her saggy boobs. Meghan picked Rainey and naturally—Rainey picked Rob—typical. 

Rainey spent 9 glorious years being spoiled 

absolutely rotten, barking at babies on the other side of the street, terrifying the mailman, and eating more woodland creatures than was strictly necessary. 

She was loyal and derived great pleasure in life from kicking Altas off the doggie bed, stealing his treats, and gloating that she got wet food because he has a very delicate tummy and can only eat prescription food. 

She’s leaving us today better than she found us. 

Even though she’s taking our hearts, she gave more than she took, and that’s all any of us can hope for in life.”